the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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