When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
