There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
