They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
