DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
