I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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