That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
