omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
