If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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