saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
