I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
