I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
