A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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