i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
