So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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