Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
