I'm lost and stupid without you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
