I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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