we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
