They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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