i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Enjoy the penises
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
