listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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