this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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