It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
