I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
