R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I need a beard to bite.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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