I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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