Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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