Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
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