Define "chronic" masturbator.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize