ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
