woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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