Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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