I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
