Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
