I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
