We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
