I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
