my sisters under your porch take her home
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
