So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
