I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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