she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
