Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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