He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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