did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
