I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
