dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
