Your tits are I can't wait for
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
