porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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