He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
