I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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