plz talk dirty to me
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
