I want to walk on stilts...naked
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
