i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Of course I have a pirate flag
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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