when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
