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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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