Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
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I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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