in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
