It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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