you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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