I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
