Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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